Recovery and Waiting... incesant waiting
They say the waiting is the hardest bit. They're so right about that.
So I got home after the op. Drains accompaning me (little tubes that don't really live up to the scary name, they're awkward though). The next week I started doing the exercises as much as possible. It's true that doing as much as you can as soon as you can really helps. It's also true that over doing it doesn't :)
1 week later, Feb 27th, the drains come out. I am again mobile, but I can't cartwheel for a few months that's for sure.
I keep excersing and start going out and seeing friends at the pub. I'm doing OK. But underneath it all I'm an emotional wreck. I still am a bit but I'm starting to understand why and that's helping me move on. I know I'll never be the same person again but I do have a say in who I will be and maybe I can be more than I ever was. In some ways I'm coming to understand that you have to work harder to own yourself when you're dealing with a disease like this. A lot of people don't like language like fighting, beating, winning etc. I can see why as it implies you're at war with something that's going on in your own body and I suppose it's not healthy to be at war with yourself at all but they're just words so if you see me using them please don't be offended. I think how you feel about yourself through all of this is more important and the emotions are so complex.
My friends have been great, especially during those first few weeks, but it's like being in limbo and I didn't feel like I was really here when I was waiting for those results, the ones that would tell me just what I'd had hiding inside of me.